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Ask the Fool
A monthly bit of advice from your good friend, The Fool.
The Fool has appeared in Across the Hills, among other places. If you would like to invite The Fool to advise your local newsletter, or if you have a question for him, please email fool at endlesshills dot org.
Dear Fool,
As the hot summer season is upon us, I find myself sitting in my air conditioned house and consuming cold beverages from the refrigerator. I can only assume that it was also hot in period, and they didn't have modern conveniences. How did they manage?
Sweltering in Weasel's Feet
Dear Sweltering,
Of course they didn't have modern conveniences! And once again, of course it was hot! But, the people of the middle ages had some weapons at their disposal.
I'm told the Romans had air conditioning. I wonder where they plugged the units in, seeing as the Roman empire was known for its roads, not its power grid. I guess they really were advanced. Perhaps it was their downfall.
Ohh, I just overheard that the Roman air conditioning consisted of a fine mist that would fill a room Rather effective, and my sources also tell me there will be tents like this at the Pennsic War. I'll be sure not to miss this.
Dear Fool,
I am very new to this SCA thing. This summer, I am going to go to my first Pennsic War. They told me it's in August, but I went to Lord Reginald's house to borrow a cup of sugar the other day, and he was packing his car. I asked him where he was going and he said that he was getting ready for Pennsic! He says you can never start getting ready for Pennsic too early. This seems kinda silly to me. I mean, it's just a little camping trip, right?
Signed,
Not Prepared in the Wooded Seas
PS, when I borrowed the sugar, he gave me a bottle of mead instead, saying there was at least a cup of sugar in that. How much mead should I put in chocolate chip cookies, and should I take some butter or something out?
Dear Not Prepared,
Congrats on getting up the courage to go to Pennsic. Excuse me for answering your questions out of order, but Pennsic isn't just a little camping trip! It's the biggest SCA event that happens. It's HUGE! If you don't start packing early enough, you're bound to forget something. Actually, no matter how early you pack, you'll forget something. I think I have the best system. I just don't unpack from war. It's easier that way. And anything I forget, I'll either buy it at war, or put it in the truck when I get home. Actually, come to think of it, not much more can go in the truck, it's more on the truck these days.
And as for your cookies, take out half a stick of butter and the egg yolks. Use about half the bottle of mead. If the dough doesn't look cookie-ish, add more flour. In any case, drink the rest of the bottle.
**Disclaimer** Ask the Fool is not intended as real advice. Please obey all vehicle codes and secure all cargo. Please bake responsibly. If you are not of the drinking age, find someone else to consume the remainder of the bottle.
Dear Fool,
I recently approached the Weasel Foot Pursuivant and asked for help registering my arms. I even blazoned it for him! It goes like this: "Per fess wavy purpure and argent, a dragon couchant Or, riding a hobby horse proper, and holding a human leg Vert in its claw, surrounded by a semy of laurel wreathes gules, which is then surrounded by a semy of swords ermine, within a bordure nebuly azure." He told me it couldn't be registered! The nerve! I've already painted it on my shield, made favors for all my friends, acquaintances, and my mailman, and embroidered it on all my underwear. What should I do?
Signed, Left to my own devices.
Dear Devices,
What a very pretty device! It is truly a shame that your baronial herald won't register it. Sometimes heralds are just no fun. My own device won't pass either, but that didn't stop me from using it. It's Sable, on a pile between two griffins combattant, each maintaining a jester's bauble Or, an annulet encircling a fool's hat sable. Sometimes at wars I fight in I am mistaken for being on the wrong side. It doesn't matter much, I just start swinging back. It's all for fun, right?
**Disclaimer** Practice responsible heraldry. Any resemblance of arms in this column to arms in the known world are purely comical.
Dear Fool,
I recently returned from the Occidental War and I need to do some major armor repair. It was bad enough that I had to tie my armor together with a piece of rope, but when I got out on the field, it seemed like everyone ganged up on me. What happened? And why didn't the marshal ask me for my authorization card? I had just received it, and was hoping to show it off.
Signed,
Battered in the Barony of Sheepswing
Dear Battered:
That rope wasn't white by chance, was it? If so, you were probably mistaken for a knight. Knights in the SCA are chivalrous people, but tend to be targets on the field due to their ability with a sword. Don't worry, most people will forget about your little mistake in a few events time. The ones that don't, however, tend to write songs about such things.
I remember when I was fighting at Pennsic, and the Prince turned to me and said "My lady said you were interested in purchasing a tabard, try mine on, to see if one the same size will fit." I did as he said, of course! Just then, a group of soldiers came over the rise, and lo and behold, it was the enemy!
"Look, it's the prince and some fool, we'll be rewarded for this!"
That was the last thing I remember being said as the group of twenty or so mobbed me. The tabard, by the way, fit fine.
**DISCLAIMER** Ask the fool is not intended as real advice, although sometimes it serves as a bad example. Sumptuary laws exist for a reason.
Dear Fool,
I recently received, as a gift from the Baron of Wooded Seas, some VERY ugly trim. I don't know what I should do with it! It would be a shame to throw it away, but it's hot pink with purple tinsel. I could never donate it to an auction, nor would I leave it at an event for fear of some newcomer picking it up and making garb with it. Please help!
Wondering in the Shire of Wormsport.
Dear Wondering,
Bad trim is the fruitcake of the SCA. Most likely the Baron you speak of was given this gift by a well meaning gentle. He too needed to unload it, and you were the unfortunate victim. This piece of trim sounds very similar to something I received from the Baron of Weasel's Feet in AS 12 for retaining at an event. If it has small black flowers woven into it, then it IS that very same piece of trim. Just think of the places it's been! I did finally dispose of it in a basket for Kingdom that the Canton of Lost Shoes was putting together. There is a theory that there are a very few bits of bad trim, and they keep circulating. It's not your place to stop this tradition, give the trim to someone else. It's your duty.
**DISCLAIMER** Ask the Fool is NOT intended as real advice. If you come across any bad trim, please dispose of it properly
Dear Fool,
I'm currently running out of space in this month's newsletter. It's already oversized. What should I do? Signed, Goimir Goraysky
Dear Goimir,
You may want to shorten some of your less prominent features. Or there may be someone who goes on and on. Tell them to shorten it up a bit. If they won't you may have to cut them off. I remember when I was the Chronicler . . .
**DISCLAIMER** Ask the fool is NOT intended as real advice. Edit pieces with regard to their message. Email The Fool for anything you desire.
Last updated: 15 January 2006